Solitary Confinement comes to mind. I have no jail photos though. I still have not had my journey take me via Split Solitary Island either this week so far …. yet!
We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict. Jim Morrison
When I was a child in care, when I was 13 years old, I was placed in Solitary Confinement in the home I was in. I forget now what I had done to get this punishment. I think I was busted for hiding the yucky liver in toilet paper in my pocket. I could not eat this stuff. I would go to no ends to avoid doing this.
It was hectically stressful trying to secretly hide this stuff and not get caught doing it. I would be near sick thinking I had to go through with this deception week after week. None the less, I would somehow get it from the plate to my lap while the evil watch of the nurses on duty were directed elsewhere for a short time. I had to wait for the right moment. The other children in the home were give ups. They would dob you in to the staff if they witnessed this also. This was so awful and it was all about food. Food that was almost inedible in my opinion and I could not eat it. I vomited many times trying.
Solitary was a small room at the end of the building on the underside. Like a large outdoor broom cupboard. Concrete on the floor and a mat and toilet. That was heavy treatment for a 13 year old child. I find it hard to find forgiveness for this treatment, given there is no respite or explanation to my own children or an apology even to them.
A letter from the Queensland government to my children to say Sorry to them. Sorry they had to see their mother cry often. Sorry to them for the mother who was more than over the top about certain things when some stuff ever arose. An apology to my children that the situation was never rectified and since they ( government) were my parents then an apology for not teaching me better as their government child.
Yes that is what I would like in a perfect world.
A simple apology to my children from whence it should have come. An apology for the damage that was inflicted directly by their OWN government hands. I feel better now. I wrote all that down.
This is the sort of thing that I contemplate in my solitary moments on the hill in the dark before dawn. When the sun comes up and the dawn happens, I stand in awe at the absolute simple but exotic beauty before me and I ask the sunshine and the light to shed light onto the world with my plea. That is all I can do. My little hands are tied by many knots and not all of these can be unraveled. Many of the knots could be unwound though and I personally feel it should.
Please don’t get too hung up on this too much or feel sad for me. It happened a very long time ago, to me. I was always concerned that the treatment would cause me to end up being hung up. I am. Tthat is why I have PTSD. It is manageable. I do ok. I am writing a book and this post is tagged to carry over to there. The photo challenge of Solitary was one of those moments when it calls to be written about and for this I am sorry!
SORRY If this brings up sadness inside when you read it. Don’t be sad. Be righteously angry with the government
If you work for the government in queensland and you can help me carry this out then by all means make contact. Apart from that lets all hold those up in our minds who carry the same sort of scars that others cannot see. This sort of hicough in any child’s early life is heinous.
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